How To Love Yourself | One Year Clean Celebratory Post!

I figured that I should write something like this on the day I reach one year without hurting myself. It is something that I personally went through, and it was definitely super worth it in the end. Baka lang makatulong sa iba.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical student or practitioner. I’m just a person giving some advice.

1. Recognize the problem

Bago mo lutasin yung problema, kailangan mo muna malaman yung existence nung problema. The problem, most likely, will be you’re way of thinking. Mahirap kalaban ang sarili. Paano kung sa tingin mo “This is what I deserve. I deserve to be punished for being such a failure/for not making them proud/for *insert self-pity here*” Yung 100% pinapaniwalaan mo ng sagad na wala kang kwentang tao. Hindi mo alam na problema pala yung ganun ka mag-isip kasi hindi pala siya normal? Hindi pala siya healthy?

Kapag alam mong may problema ka, mas madali nang magawan ng paraan kasi at least aware ka. Alam mong mali yung ginagawa mo. Alam mong kailangan mong magbago. Ako, nag-eureka moment lang ako nung nakita ko sa sarili ko na gusto ko na manakit ng ibang tao (2013). Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “walang ibang taong pwedeng masaktan kundi ako lang”. WOOOOW, mali pa din. Hahaha! Pero at least na-prompt na akong magbago at humingi ng tulong.

2. Lokohin mo sarili mo

“Fake it ’til you make it” ika nga. Pero first step ito ng panloloko part. After mo kasi marealize na mali yung ginagawa mo, minsan masyado na tayong napasarap sa feeling of loneliness, ayaw na lang natin umalis. Sabi nga ni Gotye, “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness”. Para siyang toxic, abusive, stockholm syndrome relationship. Masakit, pero minahal mo na, sanay ka na. Nakakaaddict.

So after mo marecognize na “ay mali pala ‘to” araw-araw mo siyang uulitin sa sarili mo. Kapag may automatic thought of self-hatred, counter agad!

For example, “My parents don’t see my efforts in my academic achievements, all of it must be so worthless.” Instead, tell yourself, “My parents are really important to me, but if they don’t see it, it doesn’t matter. I did my best and that is enough.” Then smile to yourself.

For the first months or year/s, it will be SUPER hard. Lolokohin mo talaga sarili mo. You will tell yourself things that you don’t really believe (like you’re actually a beautiful person and you are worth something) KEEP GOING.

3. Breakdown the source of the problem

Haaaayyy. Ito ang pinaka-rewarding na part para sakin!

May mga bagay na hindi mo maiintindihan on your own. Darating ang time na kakailanganin mo ng tulong: perspective ng friends (yung healthy thinking individuals ah!), ng mentors, ng guidance counselors or kung may pera ka, ng doctor (psychologist). Kung malalim ang hugot ng buhay mo, it would be super helpful to get professional help. Wag kang in denial at wag ka nang mag-inarte sa iisipin ng ibang tao. Wag ka papadala sa stigma of mental health dito sa country natin. Go seek help.

Kapag nalaman mo na yung mga rason rason sa buhay, at naintindihan mo na ang lahat, malalaman mo kung paano magrereact next time na may mangyari. Kasi sa part na ito, malalaman mo na “HINDI KO PALA SIYA KASALANAN?”

Subnote: If you’re dealing with anxiety, pwede kang gumawa ng chart of what makes you feel anxious or sad. Para the next time you feel it, you will know what triggered these emotions and will be able to react on the situation.

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4. Practice until it becomes automatic

Every fucking day. Persevere. Especially on your weak days. Have the strength to control yourself. Know what to do when a situation happens (E.g., what to do when having panic attacks; what are the alternatives to self-harming). Study yourself everyday, so you’ll know how to react to the things you do voluntarily and involuntarily. Do it until it becomes your normal thoughts.

Dapat kung gaano ka-automatic sa soldiers ang survival practices, ganun din ka-automatic sayo ang mahalin ang sarili mo.

5. Take care of yourself

Ito ang sustaining ad sa buong ad campaign na ito. Ito yung part na mas stable ka na, at tuloy lang ang life. Take care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. By this time, you should know what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s healthy and what’s not. Be independent, think independently, stand on your own two feet, and take care of yourself. (Ibig sabihin tama na ang pagpplease sa ibang tao! You are good enough. <3)

Also, don’t forget to thank the people who helped you through this process.

Kapag naranasan mo na yung lowest of the low, at nasurpass mo na yun, ang sarap na lang mabuhay. I never imagined reaching one year clean of self-inflicted pain. ‘Di ko nga inisip o ginusto mabuhay past 20 eh hahahahahhahaha. Pero ito na ko ngayon, sobrang saya, stable, satisfied, with a lot of reasons to live. Sana maranasan din ito nung iba kasing sobrang saya talaga, it is worth all the effort.

Happy One Year! Wooh wooh wooh! Hindi ko na bibilangin kasi aasa akong forever na ito, hihi. Thank You Lord.


Take homes:

Alternatives To Self Harm – I have this printed and kept in my planner for years now.

Rainy Mood – If rain makes you calm.

Wala pala akong natagong list of what to do during panic attacks. But I always have these three in mind whenever it occurs:

  • slow deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth
  • count 1 to 100
  • drink water (if it works for you)

Read this: Overcoming Panic Attacks

 If you have questions or other concerns, kung may hindi ka naintindihan, please feel free to message me.

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